


Brightest Memory

by boneswrites



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Charles is determined to save Erik, Erik is suffering, Erik thinks no one cares, First Kiss, M/M, possibly from himself, set during first class, then enter Charles, yeah i suck at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:36:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2662226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Knowing nothing but rage, Erik believes that slowly ripping his soul apart and putting himself through reliving the pain of losing his mother is the only way he could fuel his power and reach its full potential. But Charles says otherwise. Determined to end Erik's suffering, Charles reaches within Erik's mind. What he finds leaves them both, needless to say, quite surprised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brightest Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys! I was going through the Cherik tag on tumblr and this piece is inspired by a post I saw on there and I gotta say, it made my heart jump. Erik and Charles are just incredibly beautiful together and yeah, this is sorta what I wanted to happen. I had so much fun writing this piece and I hope you guys enjoy it, as well! Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

The only thing Erik has ever known has been pain, and anguish, and anger, and trauma. It wasn’t his fault he was a Jew, a Jew living during the time of the Holocaust. As if that wasn’t enough, he was a _mutant_. His mutation: metal manipulation. And if that wasn’t trouble enough, he watched his own mother get killed because _he_ couldn’t move a metal coin. Not only does the gunshot echo jerk him from his sleep in the middle of the night, but so do the words he kept repeating.

_I can’t._

_I don’t know how._

_It’s impossible._

            But now things have changed. He has grown up. He has finally found his sole reason for existing.

_Now, he can._

_Now, he knows how._

_Now, it is possible._

            People like Erik Lehnsherr don’t have much of a choice in this life. They are driven by rage and there is no serenity in their vision of life. These people tend to have one goal, and one goal only, and they peruse it, damn the consequences. It’s the only thing he has ever known, really. His powers were triggered by pain and anger and that’s exactly what he went through to fulfill the power contained within his bones. For years and years, he put himself through endless loops of torment and despair to rattle the metal around. And he was willing to do that a million times over.

            That is until Charles Xavier said, “it has nearly gotten you killed all this time.”

            Erik was in awe. Speechless, he was. Someone cared whether he lived or died. Someone thought about what life would be like without Erik and decided it wouldn’t be a world worth living in. Someone told Erik he is important, and worthy and he cannot be replaced. No one has showed such affection towards Erik since his mother was murdered. No one gave a crap whether Erik lived or died.

But now, someone did give a crap. Charles Xavier.

 

“It isn’t a matter of seeing white or black—or knowing right from wrong, I can tell the difference,” Erik explained over the chess game, “but you see, I’ve been programed to do whatever I have to do to….survive.”

“But you can change, my friend.” Charles nodded.

Erik scoffed before shaking his head. “I’m afraid that’s not an option. It’s who I am. For years of my life, that is how I survived, that is how I felt safe. I had to believe that I was willing to do whatever I must to live to see another day. Regardless of what had to be done, I had to move past that and do it, without thinking twice, because hesitation can kill you in a blink of an eye.”

“You’re safe now, Erik. I understand that you had to do whatever you must to survive, but it’s all in the past now. You’re safe.” Charles tried to convince Erik.

“Am I? Are any of us? Charles, this mansion can’t keep them out. One day, they will find us and they will kill us.” Erik said in a serious tone.

“Why lose all hope, my friend?” Charles frowned.

“There wasn’t any hope to begin with, Charles. We stand no chance, unless we fight for ourselves. No one will come to our rescue; we have to be our own salvation. I don’t know what life you lead here growing up, I don’t know what choices you had to make, but I saw the real enemy out there, and they are powerful.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Charles tone turned bitter.

“Oh come on, Charles. You were protected between these walls, you were away from their hands, and they didn’t know you existed, which means you were safe, unlike many of us.” Erik spoke.

“Excuse me? You don’t think I had a hard time growing up? You think my life was full of sunshine and flowers and it was all _easy_? Then I’m afraid you don’t know me at all.” Charles got up and walked towards the mini-bar.

“Charles, I didn’t mean it like that.” Erik tried.

“Yes, you did.” Charles took a sip of his fresh poured Whiskey.

A few moments of silence. “I should go.” Erik whispered as he slowly got up.

“Yes, you should.” Charles said without facing Erik, draining all the remaining alcohol in one gulp. Charles squeezed his eyes together and shook his head the moment he heard the heavy study room door shut.

_Come back_ , he thought. He held his breath for a few moments, hoping Erik would walk again through the big doors, but slowly let it out when that didn’t happen.

The room felt cold without Erik.

 

Charles grabbed the glass Whiskey bottle and carried it to his seat. He poured himself another glass and stared at the unfinished chess game in between sips. The fire was starting to go out. The room started to get darker.

Three glasses later, Charles returned the almost-empty Whiskey bottle and the empty glass, changed and got into bed. The conversation he had with Erik kept replaying in his mind. He didn’t know what to make of it. Was Erik mocking him? Did Erik mean to hurt him? Charles violently shook his head. Of course Erik didn’t mean to hurt him. Erik was merely pointing out facts. Or what he thought were facts. Charles didn’t know why he lashed out on Erik the way he did and he hated himself for that. Charles’s eyes started to droop shut, but rapid images flashing against the darkness would zap him back to reality.

The images of Erik being tortured as a teenager took over. And in that moment, Charles knew how big of a mistake he made.

 

The next morning, Charles walked into the kitchen to find Erik clutching a mug filled with coffee as he admired the view of the gardens through the glass window.

“No one has claimed last night’s chess game, I promise I haven’t moved a single thing.” Charles joined Erik at the window.

“I don’t feel like playing.” Erik said dryly.

Charles sighed and faced Erik. “Can we talk about last night?”

“Why bother?” Erik turned his face to look at Charles. “You seem to already know what I mean and what not. There’s nothing to talk about.” Erik began to walk away from Charles.

“Yes, there is.”

Erik stopped.

“I’m sorry about what I said last night, and I’m sorry I jumped to conclusion and I’m sorry I got mad. There was no reason for that, and I am sorry.” Charles apologized.

Erik steadily turned around and faced Charles, he knew Charles meant it, he could see it in his eyes. Meanwhile, Erik got lost in Charles’s stunning blue eyes.

“Erik, please.” Charles pleaded.

As soon as both men were sitting in front of each other at the dinning table, Charles began to speak. “I saw something, the day we met, I was in your mind and I saw the worst memories you have. What you went through, the anger and the pain and the fear, I felt that. Erik, I saw what it did to you and I would do anything to make that undone, all that happened to you, if I could take it away, I would in a heartbeat. Up until last night, I had no idea what it meant, I had no idea how much it had impacted you. But when I went through what you said last night, I finally understood. I understood why you said what you said, and what you meant by it. You survived, Erik, regardless of how you were able to do it, but you did. You survived. I might not understand how the pain felt or why it felt that way, but now I do know how it feels.”

“That pain is something I would not wish upon my greatest enemy. Why would you want to feel it?” Erik whispered.

“Because now you don’t have to go through this alone, with no one understand and knowing what it felt like. But now someone does, and please, Erik, let me help you through this. Let me help you overcome it. Let me help you find the most powerful trigger to unlock all that potential you have, but not through pain.”

Erik had no idea what to say. His eyes were getting teary because this is _Charles_ , Charles is willing to go through the devastating pain just to help Erik overcome what is now his default. Erik believes deep down that he can change, he just always thought no one would care enough to help him change, to help him throw all those pained screams into the past and never look back, someone to start a new, clean page with. And in that very moment, Erik knew he was in love with Charles Xavier.

“Promise you won’t leave me?” Erik blurted out.

“Promise.” Charles said with no hesitation.

 

The following day, Charles was set out to find that point in Erik; the point that helped him unleash his powers without slowly killing himself, tearing his soul apart. Charles was determined to end Erik’s suffering.

“Try turning it to face us.” Charles pointed to a huge metal dish that appeared to be hundreds of feet away. Erik gave him a puzzled look. Charles nodded encouragingly.

Erik took a deep breath and let it out slowly before extended his arms and concentrating on the metal. He can feel it running through his entire body, through his bones, as if he and the metal were one. However, no matter how much he could sense it and feel it, he was unable to grasp it. Unable to grip it tight and move it, unable to send his command through that unbreakable bond he shared with the cold steel. His face started to turn red, cause him to drop his arms and breathe heavily, helplessly looking at the unmoved metal dish.

“You know,” Charles’s voice spoke from behind him, “I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity.”

Erik turned to face Charles, still catching his breath.

“Do you mind if I…” Charles wiggled his fingers, asking for permission to enter Erik’s mind.

Erik shook his head unconsciously.  

Charles brought two fingers towards his temple and closed his eyes for a second, concentrating on Erik’s mind and slowly feeling himself getting access to mend his mind with Erik’s. Opening his eyes, he saw only a fraction of the Erik that stood two feet away from him as he navigated through the other man’s mind to find what he was looking for. And he found it.

_‘I thought I was alone.’_

_‘You’re not alone. Erik, you’re not alone.’_

Charles’s breath hitched in his stomach and tears began to gather in his eyes. It was _him_. He saw himself in that moment, in that memory, and suddenly, everything made sense. It was the moment Charles finally understood everything.

As soon as Charles began to pull away, Erik blinked rapidly, as a tear escaped his eye and ran down his cheek.

Charles kept his eyes closed as he let this overwhelming feeling take him over and then settle through his skin. For him to absorb the memory and to understand what it meant. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he quickly used his thumb to wipe it away. He opened his blue, watery eyes and looked at Erik, and for the first time, _really_ looked at him.

“What did you just do to me?” Erik asked, voice broken as he connected his eyes with the ones of Charles.

“I accessed the brightest corner of your memory system.”

It was Charles. Erik’s brightest memory is of Charles.

“It’s you.” Erik creaked.

Charles simply nodded, as more tears gathered in his eyes. “I had no idea.”

“Now it all makes sense. Before I met you, I was lost, I was a wanderer, trying so hard to bring justice but I was killing myself. I was full of anger and pain and grief.”

Charles saved Erik’s life. The moment Charles said those words to Erik, Erik finally felt peace. Charles wasn’t only there physically, but emotionally and psychologically, as well. Those words meant so much more than their direct interpretation. They meant that from that day forward, Erik would never go through the pain alone, that Erik would never find himself lost again, that Erik would not slowly kill himself and tear his soul apart, that there’s someone who finally found Erik and will never let him go. Someone who will be able to heal Erik. Charles.

“There is so much more to you than you know, not just pain and anger. There is good, too, I felt it. When you can access all of that, you’ll possess a power no one can match.” Charles said through the tears, pouring his heart and soul into every word.

“Charles, I…” Erik croaked, before tears ran uncontrollably down his cheeks.

Charles placed one hand on the back of Erik’s head as he gently pushed it towards his shoulder. Once Erik’s forehead rested on Charles’s shoulder, Charles wrapped his other arm around Erik’s broad shoulder, holding him tightly. Charles ran his hand through Erik’s misty hair as the other man’s body shook with each sob.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you. Shh, it’s alright.” Charles repeated, trying to calm Erik down. Charles pressed a quick kiss on Erik’s head before using his palm cup one side of Erik’s face as Erik pulled away. Charles used his thumb to wipe away Erik’s tear stained cheek. “Try again?”

Erik took a deep breath and turned to face the metal dish. He lifted his shaky arm, and extended it to touch the metal. A couple of tears fell from Erik’s eyes as he found the point between rage and serenity: Charles. He focused on that, he remembered Charles in his mind, created him from unrelated areas, images and voices all matched together to create Charles Xavier. With no pain, no screams, with no blood boiling in his veins, he felt the metal move towards him. The metal was obeying his commands and in that very moment, Erik felt free.

Charles turned his face to look at Erik, as he marveled at the beauty of Erik, at his dedication, at his power, Charles realized he is in love with Erik Lehnsherr.

Erik moved his hand and watched as the dish followed his movement and came to a halt, facing Erik and Charles. Charles watched in astonishment as Erik had successfully completed the task. An immediate smile was painted on Charles’s face as he looked at Erik, who was in shock at what had just happened. He watched as a small smile appeared on Erik’s face through the tears.

“You did it.” Charles said.

“Because of you.” Erik corrected.

“No,” Charles shook his head, “because of _you_.” Charles closed the distance between him and Erik, he ran his hand through Erik’s thick hair as Erik closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, leaning into Charles touch.

Erik covered Charles’s hand with his own before opening his eyes and looking straight into Charles’s. “You’re my point between rage and serenity.”

“As long as you remember that you’re never alone.” Charles smiled.

“Never alone.” Erik repeated as he cupped Charles’s face in his hands and pressed his lips heatedly against the red ones of Charles. It was messy, and needy, the sound of teeth clinging against teeth echoes through the minimal space between both men. Control isn’t an opportune option in this moment. The energy surging through Charles’s body, he pulls Erik towards him, their bodies connected from knees to lips. Returning the kiss, Charles deepens it as he runs his hand through Erik’s hair. Pulling away slowly, both men tried to catch their breath, eyes closed, foreheads connected.

That moment is now both, Erik and Charles’s brightest memory.


End file.
